Why I Decided To Quit My Job During The COVID-19 Pandemic
Before I get into this, I realize that I am living with completely different circumstances than most people, and probably was fortunate enough to have a job earning income throughout this crisis.
I also understand that I may be putting the people I care about into a tough position, since if I run out of funds I will be dependent on their support and may become a financial burden.
But here are some of the reasons why I decided to quit my job in order to pursue my dreams.
1. I Do Not Want To Live a Life With Regrets
I try to think 5–10 years into the future. I imagine myself going down the road I am currently in, working at a job that I do not enjoy, secretly wishing I could quit and pursue something I am genuinely interested in and will satisfy my intellectual curiosity and allow me to work on creative endeavors.
It is a bleak future. Maybe I jump around a few companies here and there, rising up the corporate ladder (and rather slowly at that because I have no enthusiasm and passion for the job, which makes me produce lackluster deliverables).
Maybe I’m 35, I’m married and have kids, and maybe now even a mortgage to pay off. I no longer have the freedom to make a jump, to dance with chaos, to go down the road that beckons to me.
Simply because I did not have the courage to take the first step when I was younger. Simply because I wanted to feel safe, to think I was doing the right thing by doing what everyone else was doing.
Were we all born to go down the same path? Were we born simply to tap away at our keyboards and follow rules until we die?
Were we not born to show the world who we are?
You cannot change the past, which is why regret is one of the most devastating emotions. We all have regrets in our lives, and know how much it hurts to look back and wish we could have done it all over again.
But regret has a positive element to it. The excruciating pain we feel reminds us to try and never regret anything again. It tells us to take leaps of faith, even if it is scary at the time, so that we can avoid suffering in the future.
You can avoid feeling regret, as long as you adopt the mindset of taking responsibility for your choices. You will live with the consequences that follow your decisions, whatever they may be.
2. I had a strong emotional pull when I thought about this journey (circumambulation)
When was the last time you felt excited?
Excitement is an emotion that we start inhibiting as we grow up. Perhaps we’ve been let down one too many times, so to protect ourselves from feeling disappointment we lower the threshold of positive emotions we are capable of feeling.
Perhaps that is what the ancient people of the past tried to communicate through the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
People live in unconscious paradise until they are forced to become conscious through an external entity.
Maybe they graduate college and can’t find a job, even though everyone around them (themselves included) had high expectations for them.
Maybe every time they expected something from friends and family, they were let down and disappointed.
Before we knew it, we hardened our hearts and resolved to never allow such positive emotions to touch our souls ever again. We did not want to get hurt anymore.
I have to say, it has been a long time since I’ve felt a rejuvenating, life giving spirit within me. I have sailed through life for the past few years, not actively seeking opportunities and passively taking what comes in front of me. The times where I saw success were the times where I decided to improve myself by taking actions.
I was only able to grow my Medium following to this point because I took action and published my stories.
I was only able to accumulate deeper knowledge about myself and the world because I took action and read many books.
These were the moments in my life where I followed an emotion within me. I was excited to travel down these roads, because although the end was uncertain, the journey promised many rewards. By following my emotion of excitement, my enthusiasm and passion manifested through my creations, and people reciprocated to the energy.
So if good things happened to me every time I followed this emotion (which I might even call what Socrates referred to as the daemon), I thought it might be smart for me to follow it again. This time it dared me to create videos online — something I am deathly afraid of. Perhaps this was exactly the reason why it challenged me: it wanted me to conquer my fears and become a better version of myself.
The only thing I can do here that would help me avoid living with regret is to accept the challenge.
3. I have some savings and plan on living frugally until I can create an income stream
This is probably what gives me a sense of security. Although I haven’t saved as much money as I could have, I believe I can sustain myself for a few months while I get my creative projects up and running.
This can help me:
- Stop buying things I don’t need and detach myself from the idea of materialism
- Practice good financial habits (spending only on what I truly need and not on buying when I need a dopamine kick)
- Invest money in areas that are most important (gifts for family and friends, education, occasional outings with friends, equipment for creative endeavors)
4. I need to be confident in myself before I can have others be confident in me
When I first got this job, I was ecstatic. My family and friends were proud of me — it was all I ever wanted. I felt like I had climbed my way into my rightful place in the social hierarchy. All was right in the world, and it would be smooth sailing from here.
But what followed soon after was the realization that I did not like the job. Sure it was cool to learn new things and meet new people, but I realized that I loved the job because it provided me a decent amount of income and an external source of confidence. A lot of my self worth came from my company reputation and job title.
Who was I if this was all stripped away from me? Could I say that I would be confident without this job? I couldn’t really say.
So for the past year I have been unraveling my idea of self worth. I had to stop tying my value as a person to my job and my income. I had to stop constantly comparing myself to other people and tracking their position in the social hierarchy.
If they were earning more than me, I would secretly be jealous and think: “if only I could earn as much as them — then all my life’s problems would be solved and I’d live happily ever after!”
But why do we live our lives concerning ourselves with the lives of others? They have their own trials and tribulations. We do not have to compare how happy and well off we are relative to our neighbors. We must realize that we are all on different paths of life and we will all end up in the same place: death.
Once I realized that death was just around the corner, I had to stop thinking about other people’s lives and start thinking about how I wanted to live my own.
I wanted to live a life of confidence, and the only way for people to believe in your confidence is if you embody it first.
You must truly believe that you are a being of unique talent who can offer great value to the world. Who will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself first?
I know it’s popular to stamp on this idea that each individual is a unique and special individual. But I dislike such cynicism and resignation to human potential.
Who is to judge what a person inherently is or can become so absolutely?
Who is to say what you can be in the final analysis?
Who is to say that what you are now is all that you can be?
Who could you be if you set yourself straight and strived to know yourself, to figure out what you are great at, and to cultivate that skill for the rest of your life?
Who could you be, if you just believed in yourself?
5. The money will come — if money is the only thing tying you to your job, it will not be sustainable. It will be soul-crushing
I understand many people are independent and have many financial responsibilities that I do not have. I am fortunate enough to be living with my parents, and so I have a little more room to take risks like quitting my job.
However, I do have the conviction of working hard to make sure that I do not stay here much longer. I will give myself time limits, and treat this new challenge like an occupation.
I must make sure that my ultimate aim is not for monetary gain, but for personal development. Through this process, I want to work on identifying my strengths, strengthening my weaknesses, and cultivating skills that would make me a competent and confident young man.
I want to live every day like it is my last — that means I practice the habits of the man I want to become each moment. I want to listen to my conscience and chase after my goals with resoluteness and persistence.
Money should never be the end goal. It should serve as a resource that I can use to provide for myself and for my loved ones. I should be able to easily let it go and be confident that I have the skills to attract it back into your life.
I believe that the money will come, in one way or another, if I focus on providing value for others.
How will I provide value for others? I’m not sure yet, but maybe it will be through my own journey of self-actualization.
Perhaps I can help or even accompany others as they walk down a similar path as me.
