Is the real me the one that appears when I’m all alone?

Is the real me the one that faces everyone throughout the day?

Is the real me the one who interacts with family?

Is the real me the one who interacts with my closest friends?

Can I only be me with other people around?

We’re encouraged to be ourselves — what does that mean exactly?

Maybe we’re all just kids who just learned to suppress our immaturity.

Didn’t we all grow up being ourselves, only to be told not to do this and that?

We’re all just a bunch of grown up kids who learned to suppress our “naughty behaviors”.

We’ve learned from a young age to not be ourselves — and for good reason. In our natural state, we are chaos. We don’t know how to act in this world. We need guidance, constraint and order in our lives until we can think for ourselves.

But along the way most of us forget what it was like to be ourselves — unashamedly and unapologetically.

When we do try to step out of the boundaries that have been created for us by our family, our teachers and our friends, and we try to “be ourselves” again, we are met with blank stares and labels.

Weird. Eccentric. Deviant. Strange. Odd. Crazy.

Are those words truly encouraging other people to be themselves? These words are created to spot anomalies, errors in the system that is working for others, and mark them and point fingers at them.

It’s suffocating

I try to take off the mask, encouraged by the people around me to be myself, only to find that there is an elastic band that snaps the mask back into place.

To be yourself is to lose many things that being “normal” offers.

Am I willing to make that sacrifice?

I believe this moment appears in everyone’s lives one way or another.

Decisions and sacrifices must be made. Maybe not all at once, but they must be confronted sooner or later.

What will I choose to keep and what will I choose to abandon? Am I willing to make sacrifices, to choose a different path that might mark me as abnormal?

Will I lead a life of quiet desperation, or can I take the road less traveled by?

I’m constantly trying to control the perception of others. I’m trying to convince people that I am something that I am not. I try to convince them through my calculated words and behavior, but no matter what I do they will think what they wish to think of me.

If that’s the case, I’d rather just be myself then. People will call it a transformation, a sudden change — somethings not right with Will, he must have eaten something weird, he must be going through a phase…

I will call it the unmasking.

Would I rather live a life where I have to continuously convince people of something that I am not, where I have to act and think in certain ways that goes against how they perceive me and suffer everyday that I cannot be myself?

Or would I rather live a life where I please fewer people, but attract those who truly enjoy my company because I am only being myself? What’s the point of gaining favor of a lot of people? What’s the point of trying to be liked by everyone?

This game is tiring.

I’ve been a people pleaser for too long. I’ve allowed people to control my thoughts for too long.

It’s time to get to know who I really am, instead of allowing others to dictate who I should be or how I should act in this world.

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