Two Questions That Are More Helpful to Ask Yourself Than “Can I Make My Dream Come True?”
Don’t ask yourself a question that already has an underlying doubt in your own ability and sovereignty.
There really is no objective answer to this question, yet we ponder for days and months.
This way of phrasing the question makes us believe that life is black and white. If we start with this question from the get-go, we neglect the important follow up questions that need more scrutiny.
“Can I Make My Dream Come True?”
It’s also a loaded question that needs a lot of unpacking.
It’s different for everyone.
We’ve all asked ourselves this question, whether it was consciously or unconsciously.
Perhaps you’ve typed the question up in your computer or scribbled it into your notebook, allowing yourself to deliberate on the question and wonder if you were capable and skillful enough.
Before You Answer It…
This question can only be answered with confidence after we have done our due diligence.
If you ask yourself this question without preparation and deliberation, these are the only choices you have:
- A Resounding Yes: You are being naive to believe that you will be able to achieve a dream that you have conjured up in your mind. The dream has no foundation, nothing to stop it from crumbling when shit hits the fan. When things get hard, you will quit because you arrogantly believed that you were owed something and that life would cater to your wishes. You will become resentful and envy others who find success in their lives, calling it luck rather than acknowledging the hard work and preparation they put into achieving their dreams.
- A Resounding No: You do not really want what you say you want. If you wanted to live the life you dreamed of, to become the person you aspired to be, you would put in the effort to prepare for the storms of life. You can blame it on your circumstances, on your parents, society, God, etc… But you will always know in the back of your mind that the choice was always up to you to make your dreams come true. Confidence comes with preparation. Confidence comes from engaging with the unknown, knowing that there is always risk of failure and potential harm to the current self.
Let’s say you have a glimmer of what you want your potential future to look like. You lay out the person you want to be, the things you wish to own, the people you wish to surround yourself with, and the fulfilling work that you’d like to be engaged with.
The dream, which was once a blurry picture, starts to take form. As you start to formulate the potential future, you will feel more invested.
The amount of contemplation and stress tests you’ve put into answering these questions will increase the likelihood that you will move closer to the life you desire to manifest in your life.
What’s your dream? What is the ideal life that you see for yourself in the years to come?
Why do you want this dream to come true?
What’s your plan to make this dream come true?
What have you done to get closer to the destination you seek?
Have you been working toward them every day?
Are you willing to make sacrifices?
Are you willing to give up the comforts and habits of your current life in order to get what you want?
How will you balance time between family and friends?
Are you willing to put your head down and work hard for the next few years?
Are you willing to face rejection and failure, to feel frustration and anxiety for the unforeseeable future?
Are you putting others at risk by taking this big risk?
Do you have back up plans to sustain yourself and the people you care about?
Though life will not go according to your plans and expectations and excessive planning can inhibit you from taking action to move closer to your goals, it is important to declare what you want so that you can start attending toward activities that are beneficial to your life and dispensing with the activities that hold you back.
Now that we understand why the aforementioned question of “Can I Make My Dream Come True” is unproductive and unhelpful, we can turn our focus to the questions that will lead to developing actionable steps that will get us closer to our desired outcomes.
1. Why Can’t I Make My Dream Come True?
Think about the story you are telling yourself.
Is it a positive story that gives you confidence and happiness, or is it a negative story that makes you insecure, victimized, and resentful?
This question will help you unravel the past and dig up deeply rooted issues that need your attention before you decide to move forward.
Traumatic events and emotional scars that we have experienced throughout our lives affect us unconsciously. Deeply held beliefs about ourselves, our loved ones, and the world around us can make or break us.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
— Maya Angelou
It is important to critically examine the story you are telling yourself. If you’ve ever stopped yourself from doing/saying something you wanted to do, and felt that you had to hide your true self in order to be accepted or loved, you must look back into the past and resolve the conflict that is inhibiting you.
Perhaps you seek approval from your parents and friends that stops you from becoming who you were meant to become.
Perhaps you fear punishment for speaking up your mind and showing people who you really are.
Perhaps you feel that you won’t be loved if you do not identify with the persona that you have created to be accepted by others in society.
What story are you telling yourself that is stopping you from living the life you desire? You must find the repressed story, the thorn on your side, and come to peace with it by creating a different ending for it.
If you found that you had never forgiven a certain person for the pain they caused you, you must find it within yourself to forgive them. You can forgive, but never forget. This will allow you to prevent the same situation from happening ever again. This will allow your psyche to become less fragmented and more whole.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
2. How Can I Make My Dream Come True?
Instead of beginning with a thought of self doubt, why don’t you already assume that you’ll be able to?
Why do we start with inhibitive thoughts? Why do we start from a cowering position rather than a triumphant one?
Start with the inherent belief that you have what it takes. Start with a humble but inquisitive mindset.
You are starting this journey as a wide eyed adventurer, but you are no naive fool.
You have no idea what will be in store for you, but you know that you will stumble and fall many times along the way.
You know that you will get lost and perhaps even lose everything you own on the way.
You know that there are dangers out in the unknown, but you are voluntarily choosing to accept the call to adventure.
You’re slightly sure of what you think the end goal is, and you’ve mapped out a road to get there, but you know things won’t go as smoothly as you’ve planned it.
You know that life is full of surprises and will try to knock you off the road or even deter you from moving forward… but you know that you will roll with the punches and push through the storms and winds.
You know that confidence does not come from the outside, but from within. It is a habit that is cultivated through daily planning and execution.
You said you were going to do something, you did it, and you did it well. Each day you will be proud of what you were able to accomplish, and each day you will push yourself to become just a bit better than you were yesterday.
You look back to when you used to be trapped in your head, asking yourself a question that you believed would give you confidence and move you forward in life when in reality it was the very thing that was inhibiting you from doing so.
You decide to look at the question again, for old time’s sake.
But something’s different this time.
You know that there is only one resounding answer.
