Somebody Catch That Rat

I just finished reading a book written by Charles Bukowski. It was called Post Office. I didn’t have much love for it, although I guess you can say it was a fun read.

What I recently read from a review was interesting. The reader said that she reads Bukowski not for profundity but just to get her mind off everything and just allow the chaos to consume her life. Everyone lives so uptight about everything being in order — we are all scared of falling into a life where everything goes wrong and we do not follow the American Dream of having a proper life filled with family, fulfilling career, and meaning.

He represents the shadow within us, the person that we loathe but know that we can just as easily become. The character represents the anti-hero in all possible ways: unambitious, lazy, short-sighted, selfish, nihilistic… Reading about his life makes you more terrified of fucking up in your current path in life and maybe even helps you feel a bit grateful for the things you have and the life you’re living currently.

He writes to show us a perspective of just another individual living in this world. He shows us exactly how this individual thinks and lives and shows us what motivates him and what makes him happy and sad.

In fact, I don’t think the character showed any emotion at all except a few times. He was always just content or chill and had a few moments of rage. People often flew into a rage at him because of his nonchalant and indifferent attitude, but they often could not change him because he would just look them in the face and give them an unbearable face of “I don’t give a fuck”.

Sometimes when a face like that stares right back at you, you lose the will to say anything or to help them change. Be careful of who you try to help — you may end up taking a piece of them with you or worse, being dragged down into the hole with them.

What makes you think you’re in a position to help someone up from their miserable spot in life? Life could hit you in the back of your head tomorrow and flip your world upside down. We’re always standing above a sheet of glass that we continuously tell ourselves is solid ground. We’re living in a place in time that we construct a narrative about, and we create stories for ourselves that help guide us through life.

“The juxtaposition between his attitude and the solemnity demanded by the United States Postal Service is too much.”

This is a secret of comedy that makes things funny. You must always look for the comedic elements of this life. You must actively be looking for things that are absurd. You must create the absurd, or capture those moments in everyday life.

Like the fact that when I was walking from my work place I saw a man kick a sleeping/unconscious rat for no good reason. I watched the whole thing unfold — the man walked over to the undisturbed little furry ball and gave it a good kick in the rear. I half expected the rat to fly in the air for a bit and, if it was alive, either start running or, if it was dead, roll a few inches and lie still in the middle of the sidewalk while pedestrians scrambled to dodge it.

The rat was alive. Shocked by the rude awakening, it started to run. But it looked like it was injured, as it was limping down the street. The man was not done tormenting the rat.

He ran after it shouting at the top of his lungs, “CATCH THAT FUCKING RAT!” I kept my distance while still walking to the train station, but I had to watch how this was going to unfold. The man was lumbering after the rat, and the rat was scampering away for its dear life.

People coming the opposite direction saw the rat just in time to make way for the rat — a modern day Moses and the Red Sea story.

We can call the rat Moses now.

As more and more people started spreading and watching the rat to make sure it wouldn’t start running at them, the ruckus and panic got bigger and bigger.

The man lost interest as quickly as he had gained it and turned away.

The rat, now stranded in the middle of the sidewalk corner, sat solemnly while people maneuvered their way around it, creating a sort of spotlight effect.

The rat was center stage with all eyes around it. If rats could think like us, what would the rat be thinking at that moment?

“What in the HELL is wrong with that guy? Why’d he kick my ass?”

I chuckled, and then started to feel sad for the rat. I had to tear myself away from the scene to catch my train.

As I got on the train I grabbed a seat in the corner and opened my book. I got extremely annoyed for some reason at this man who was sneezing up a storm.

Usually you’ll sneeze maybe like twice in a 5 second span. You say one bless you and you go on with your day. But this man was a machine. He was averaging a sneeze every 10 seconds. It really got on my nerves.

I imagined myself losing my temper and shouting at him — what would I have said? Did anyone else feel my irrational annoyance? Did anyone else feel like getting up and telling that man to stop sneezing like that, to move somewhere else?

“SNEEZE SOMEWHERE ELSE BUDDY IT’S PRETTY LOUD AND I’M TRYNA READ HERE! AND IF YOU’RE GONNA SNEEZE FOR THAT LONG AT LEAST TRY TO COVER YOUR MOUTH”

… is what I would have said if I had no social intelligence or simply had no fucks to give.

I noticed that this was a common occurrence I’d do if I encountered a situation where I needed to show aggression.

Somewhere along my childhood, I had learned that whenever I had to deal with a confrontation, I would start to tear and would inevitably end up crying. This was something I was ashamed of, so to avoid these embarrassing situations I would just bottle up my emotions and pretend everything was okay.

But that anger and desire for confrontation doesn’t really disappear, even if you want it to. You end up repressing it, and you find other ways to cope with the anger.

For me, it was imagining conversations where I would completely dominate the perpetrator with my words. I’d grit my teeth and tell them exactly what I was thinking. And the figure in my imagination usually stood silently while I exerted my dominance over them.

A rather cowardly tactic huh? I know, I know. Constructing a world inside my head and dominating people inside it so that everything goes perfectly isn’t good for me. Quite unhealthy actually — perhaps I should be working on my ability to say no and state what displeases me to others in a calm and rational manner.

But man did it feel good!

At the end of the day, I realized the problem was not really the serial sneezer (maybe 20% his fault). The problem was with me.

I was annoyed because maybe everything was not going the way “I” wanted it to go. I wanted a silent ride home so that I could focus on my book.

I did not care that the man was indeed helpless and sneezing against his will. I’m sure I’ve had many times where I’ve annoyed people with my actions.

In fact, why should anything go my way? Why should the fabric of reality bend to my will? What does the world owe me for simply existing?

It makes no sense. Absolutely no sense… and yet I found I was still annoyed.