One Lesson A Day Challenge #5 — Death Will Bring Clarity and Appreciation

Why is it that when there is death or finality the truth comes out?

The things we couldn’t say to the people we love come pouring out when there is unexpected death.

We live our lives as if our loved ones will always stay by our side, so we never bother to say words of affection and love for them. They’re cheesy and cliché. They’re embarrassing to say.

We expect our family members to understand each other without having to explicitly say words of affirmation.

We take for granted the meals where all family members are present and eat with each other. My family used to eat dinner all the time when my sister still lived with us. We would make it mandatory for all of us to sit down at the dinner table, no matter how busy each of us was, and we would enjoy each other’s company — sometimes in conversation, other times in silence.

We take for granted the small family trips we would take for the weekend. My family used to plan a trip to go somewhere every year. San Francisco, LA, Denver, Wyoming, Pennsylvania, Vermont, Maine, DC, Boston, Upstate NY… Going on trips with family might seem like a drag and sometimes you’d rather go away with your friends, but family trips have their own different charm.

Something I constantly think of nowadays is how much older my parents have become. The wrinkles on their faces and hands seem to be deeper every year. They seem to have less energy to do the things they used to do (like nag at me). The small moments where I realize that my parents are aging and that there is no stop to them getting older makes me sad.

As I grow older, I started seeing them less as ‘parents’ and more as individuals who have seen and experienced similar things that I am currently going through.

They have their own ambitions, dreams, worries, pains, favorite memories, friends they think about reaching out to, family members they need to talk to, obligations that they feel they need to meet…

It’s easy to forget that when they have to put on the brave faces of “Mom” and “Dad” every day. It’s easy to forget that, behind those brave faces, there is still an individual who is struggling to figure out the problems you are still trying to figure out.

Why are we here? What is my purpose?

And even if they don’t have a confident answer for those, they put on their most confident smiles to reassure you, to give you comfort in a world that no one can and will ever fully understand.

I tell myself these days that death is always imminent to everyone and is everywhere. I apply it to myself so that I can try to make the best out of each day and be grateful for what I have currently and appreciate those who are around me more. It’s hard to really feel thankful for the things that are always around us.

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone. The great truth that we continuously forget. One day, our loved ones will be gone forever, and it might not be on your terms or when you’re ready to accept their death. An unforeseen event can happen and you can lose someone who you thought was going to be by your side forever.

We can never see them again, talk to them again, touch them again, laugh with them again, cry with them again, eat with them again, sleep with them again… We can never really express what we really felt about them. We miss so many chances throughout the days, throughout the weeks, throughout the months and the years, to tell the people around us how much we love, appreciate, and adore them.

We forget to tell them how grateful we are that they choose to spend their time and energy with us.

We forget to tell them how happy we are to be with them and to simply know them.

Death has no patience and has no preference. It has no mercy and does not discriminate. To appreciate life, we need death. And while death is a sad and painful process, it helps you remember that you should appreciate the feeling and sensations of simply Being a conscious individual.

It can also help you remember that there will never be another you who will walk this planet and there will never will someone who can express who you are as best as you are able to. There will never be another you who has lived the same life, experienced the same happenings, and knew the same things you did. No one can tell the same story that you can about your life better than you. No one can live your life in a better way than you.

I think we should appreciate death and decide to live life to the fullest every day.

I think we should live without regrets and do the things we dream of.