Hi Makepeacekpm,

First off, I implore that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You have to learn to love yourself and take care of yourself. That means that whenever you don't do what you set out to do, you shouldn't harshly criticize or demean yourself. You should do your best to keep your word to yourself, but you should also be fair with yourself. Don't put any unrealistic expectations and don't tyrannize yourself with pressure and long hours of reading/writing/whatever you want to do to pursue a goal.

Please remember to be kind to yourself. Writing should be a fun process. It is strenuous because it forces you to be articulate and concise with the ideas you are trying to present to the reader, but it shouldn't be an activity that you are forcing yourself to do. Write about the things you enjoy writing about. There will be days where you won't be able to write about anything and you won't want to feel like writing anything. You don't have to! You can try the next day. You can look for inspiration around Medium or watch Youtube or walk around the neighborhood.

While I can't imagine what kind of emotions you are experiencing, just know that everything you are going through right now will shape who you become as a writer. These moments of feeling like giving up, moments where you open the blank page and stare at it for hours, moments where you read hours and hours of articles wondering what you should write about... they are all part of your journey.

If you truly want to be a writer, start by thinking about your WHY. Tell us all why you want to be a writer. Ask yourself why you want to write and what you want to write about. That will be a great story that could potentially inspire future writers who are going through what you are going through right now.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey! Feel free to ask me questions if you'd like :)